Funny Birthday Wishes That'll Be the Icing on the Cake of Their Big Day (2024)

Truth: “The older you get, the better you get. Unless you're a banana,” Betty White once said. We also find that the older we get, the more we appreciate a good laugh, even if it comes in the form of a good old-fashioned old-age roast. Hence this go-to collection of funny birthday wishes and quotes for friends and loved ones, whether it’s their 16th or 60th.

Whether you are personalizing a DIY birthday card, posting a birthday tribute on Instagram, or looking for just the right hilarious words to accompany that thoughtful birthday gift for her or for him, these laugh-out-loud birthday wishes and zingers have you covered. So, get ready to give them a chuckle that’s sure to be the metaphorical icing on the birthday cake of their day.

• At your age, when you say you're going to get lit on your birthday, let's face it—everyone knows you're talking about the cake.
• I heard you were hoping for Taylor Swift tickets for your birthday. So… good luck with that. Happy birthday!
• Congratulations on officially being old enough to get your driver's license! But do you avocado 🥑?
• Happy not-legally-old-enough-to-do-anything-fun birthday.
• So what if you're no spring chicken 🐣? Be egg-tra on your birthday!
• "What did the fish say when it swam smack into the wall?" "Dam, you're old." Happy birthday, friend.

• Sending birthday wishes to my best travel buddy… We sure do like to take trips around the sun together.
• Few things in this world age really well: wine, cheese, whiskey… and quality antiques. (What did you think I was going to say? Happy birthday!)
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Happy Bee. Happy Bee who? Happy 🐝 day to you!
• Happy birthday, old friend. Will you tell me the story again about what the 1900s were like?

• Happy birthday to the most fungi 🍄 I know.
• Happy beer-day, bud.
• Birthdays are just like golf—if you don’t keep count it's a lot more fun.
• You might be prehistoric, but at least you're not extinct!
• Whatever you do, don't let aging get you down. It's way too hard to get back up again!
• May you celebrate this birthday the way you celebrated the first one: naked and screaming.
• Happy birthday to a dude who isn't showing his age—or acting it, either.
• Older? For sure. Wiser? Not so much. Happy Birthday, bro!
• You know you've hit middle age when your back is hairier than your head.
• It’s your birthday! You're now a year closer to being that old guy who yells at kids to get off his lawn.

• Happy Birthday, old man. So glad you're still alive and cake-ing!
• If anyone calls you old this birthday, don't worry about it. Just hit him with your cane and throw your dentures at him.
• Don't think of it as aging, think of it as leveling up. Congratulations and here's to a great year ahead!
• I've already alerted the fire department, so go ahead and light the candles on your cake.
• The best part of being older is that you did most of your stupid stuff before social media. Cheers to another trip around the sun!
• Happy Birthday, big guy! Don't forget to iron the wrinkles out of that birthday suit.
• If it's any consolation, in whiskey years you're just getting tastier. Happy birthday!
• Knock, knock. Who’s there? Abby. Abby who? Abby birthday!

• Happy birthday to my ride or die! I can’t wait until we’re old enough to terrorize the nursing home together!
• The secret to staying young is make-up—make-up an age, then stick with it.
• Is it hot in here? Must be all the candles on your birthday cake.
• I can only hope to be as great a woman as you one day. But, obviously with better clothes. Happy birthday!
• How do two pickle friends celebrate each other? They relish their birthdays, of course.
• Happy, Happy Birthday to the "she" to my "nanigans"!

• Happy birthday to one of the only people whose birthday I can remember without a Facebook reminder.
• Don't think of them as gray hairs. Think of them as strands of birthday glitter growing out of your head.
• This birthday, just remember: there's absolutely no shame in the Botox game.
• Another birthday spent together...you know we're going to be friends 'til we're old and senile, right? And then we'll be new friends!
• One minute, you’re young and fun. The next, you have a favorite burner on the stove. Which one is yours?
• You don’t look a day over 20. From a distance. With my eyes squinted. Happy birthday, bestie!

• For your birthday, I wanted to give you something that was absolutely wonderful, but then I remembered you already have me.
• Happy Birthday to someone who is comparable to fine wine and cheese. You just get better with age, lady!
• On your birthday, keep this in mind... you only look as old as your last selfie.
• It’s your (birthday) party and you’ll cry if you want to, though I don’t recommend it. We'll be taking loads of pics tonight and you don't want to streak your mascara.
• Here’s to another year of questionable life decisions! Happy birthday, rock star!
• Happy Birthday, queen! You definitely don’t look a day older than the age you tell people you are.
• You know, you've just turned the perfect age. You're old enough to recognize your mistakes but young enough to make a few more more.

• "You know you’ve aged when you read events you lived in a history book." ―Will Ferrell
• "Middle age is when you still believe you’ll feel better in the morning." ―Bob Hope
• "Looking fifty is great—if you’re sixty." ―Joan Rivers
• "Put candles in a cake, it’s a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, and somebody’s drunk in the kitchen." ―Jim Gaffigan
• "You know you’re getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It’s like, 'See if you can blow this out.'" ―Jerry Seinfeld
• "Just remember, once you’re over the hill you begin to pick up speed." ―Charles Schulz
• "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter." ―Mark Twain
• "I believe in loyalty. When a woman reaches an age she likes, she should stick with it." ―Eva Gabor
• "You can live to be hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred." ―Woody Allen
• "You know you’re getting old when the candles cost more than the cake." ―Bob Hope
• "Eventually you reach a point when you stop lying about your age and start bragging about it." ―Will Rogers

• "The secret of staying young is to live honestly, eat slowly, and lie about your age." ―Lucille Ball
• "The older you get the better you get. Unless you are a banana." ―Betty White
• "I was brought up to respect my elders, so now I don’t have to respect anybody." ―George Burns
• "I’m at an age when my back goes out more than I do." ―Phyllis Diller
• "There is still no cure for the common birthday." ―John Glenn
• "A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday." ―Erma Bombeck
• "When a man has a birthday, he takes a day off. When a woman has a birthday, she takes at least three years off." ―Joan Rivers
• "Life is a moderately good play with a badly written third act." ―Truman Capote
• "Inside every older person is a younger person—wondering what the hell happened." ―Terry Pratchett

• It’s better to be over the hill than under it.
• Getting older is a piece of cake (and a few more candles).
• You're not old. You're simply aged to perfection.
• Age is just the number of years the world has been enjoying you.
• Congratulations on being born a really long time ago.
  
• I'd be a lot more excited about you turning one year older if I was in your will.

• Happy one year closer to retirement!
• It's scientifically proven that people who have more birthdays live longer.
• Another year older and one step closer to Velcro shoes!
• What goes up but never comes down? Your age.
• Have a GRATE birthday! (Hope that’s not too CHEESY.)
• For the record, you're not old, you're a classic.
• At least you're not as old as you'll be this time next year.
• You know you’re getting old when caution is the only thing you exercise.
• Happy 29 (again)!
• Remember that age is just a number… in your case, a REALLY high one.
• I was going to get you the best birthday present ever, but I’m too big for the gift box.

• I can't miss believe I missed your birthday. It's un-belatable!
• Don't think of this birthday card as late. Consider it very early for next year.
• Your birthday came, and your birthday went. Here are the wishes that I should have sent.
• Happy Belated Birthday! When you're as old as I am, you’ll realize how hard it is to remember things.
• Sure, you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who's thinking of you today? Me, that’s who!
• This card is actually late on purpose. Now it’s your birthday the entire month!
• I'm sorry I wasn't there to mourn your lost youth. Happy Belated Birthday!
• Now that everyone else’s birthday wishes have worn off, here’s one from me!
• I didn’t forget your birthday, I just wanted to make it last longer.
• Let me be the last to wish you a very Happy Birthday!
• I’m sorry my birthday wishes are belated. I didn’t think you’d live this long.

• Friends never forget birthdays! But sometimes they remember very, very, slowly.
• So while you think this birthday card is a couple of days tardy, I have to confess something. This is actually your card from 2015 that I just got around to sending.
• Sorry I missed your birthday! I promise it won’t happen again… this year.
• Happy Late Birthday! I guess good things really do come to those who wait.
• I really just wanted my card to stand out, so I decided to send it late.
• My apologies for these belated birthday wishes—they were so heavy with love and good energy they were slowed down a bit!
• I may have missed your birthday, but at least I didn’t forget that I forgot!
• I may have forgotten your birthday, but how am I supposed to remember it if you never look any older?
• Late birthday wishes are just a reason to eat more cake. And you don't even have to thank me!